July 6, 2017
Dear Grace,
Happy (belated) 15th Birthday!
It’s hard to believe but 14 years ago, on a flight from Salt Lake City to Chicago, I began this annual birthday letter tradition. Ironically, I write your 15th birthday letter again on a flight from Salt Lake City to Chicago, but under entirely different circumstances. In 2003, when you were turning a year old, I was flying to Chicago to visit for a Food Marketing Institute conference as I considered returning to work in some capacity and because consumer products marketing research was my previous field. Today, you’re on the flight with me as this time, we’re returning to a new life in Chicago after our visit to Park City after moving in January 2017. You’re a trooper, my dear. As you know, I did not make the decision to leave your roots in Park City easily or quickly. It was a calculated decision, considering pros and cons, risks and rewards, but all along feeling a nudging, I now believe to have been from God, to take the chance. Sweetheart, I know the move was incredibly difficult for you, especially considering the loss we three have experienced in losing Dad. I appreciate your willingness to give Chicago a try…We have yet to exchange impressions on being a “tourist” (as Ally said) in Park City. I hope in the weeks and months ahead you will share your thoughts and feelings (about the trip or anything) with me. It seems you like aspects of living in a suburb of Chicago. I know it’s not ideal, but as a mature woman, I can teel you there doesn’t seem to be a perfect place to live only a perfect way to live which involves an open and honest heart all the while maintaining strategies to protect your heart from those who may try to steal or break it.
Enough of my soapbox, let me try to recap this whirlwind of your 14th year. Summer of 2016 was the year you started running with Park City Girls’ Cross Country team. You enjoyed the comradery of the girls while also getting in fantastic shape but with some repercussions. I wonder if the additional stress of moving to Chicago has affected your body chemistry. In my heart of hearts, I still believe being near family is better for us right now even though the dynamics require navigation. I’m glad we’re here for Gram though and I know she appreciates us being nearby.
Getting back to you…the first half of your school year went well academically and socially. Math with Mr. Blake was your favorite class and you spent a significant amount of time with soccer teammates, Ally and Ella. Of course, I’m recalling the Vail tournament which was a good time for everyone! Donna was becoming, and still is, a good friend. You talked about Nick and Chase but I don’t think you saw them during our summer trip to Park City. During the fall of 2016, friendship changes with Anna and Rebecca and maybe Bella were upsetting for you. All the while, you took the high road and gained insight into the somewhat tentative nature of friendships. Your generation places far more emphasis on friendships than what I seem to recall for my generation. Don’t get me wrong as developmentally this is the time, as a teenager, for you to begin the emancipation process as you become the woman you want to become. Watching you and Harry embark on adulthood has been quite difficult for me. I’m becoming more accepting of the fact that, at some point, the three of us may have vastly different interests and lifestyles. I certainly pray though that the values of integrity, honesty, hard work and dedication that Dad and I sought to teach and demonstrate are ingrained in both you and Harry. But remember, Grace, most friendships will come and go…but those that last and withstand the test of time, the friends who lift you up, are the friendships to cherish and cultivate.
October 20, 2017
I’m committed to finishing your letter today. I reread my writing from July and was struck by a consistent observation: like in Park City, soccer teammates on your Celtics soccer team are also your best friends in Chicago. You have a natural talent to be a great teammate, wanting to work together towards a common goal. Teamwork is important to you. In fact, I’ve noticed that what upsets you most about losing a soccer game, is not necessarily the loss, but when your teammates aren’t playing well together or you feel your individual performance is sub-optimal. I admire your dedication to the sport and the seriousness you display towards your performance. I’m thrilled that you have made many friends at LT and like it well enough to spend your high school years in the western suburbs. I agree that Chicago, from a natural beauty perspective, pales in comparison to Park City, but I hope you find in time that there are virtually unlimited career opportunities to explore here and many hard-working, caring families to meet. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Ellie, Abby, Anna, Kate, Grace, Maeve, Griffin, Bella, and their families. I’m also thrilled you enjoy training with Jamie!
We had a great visit with Harry last weekend in Oregon. You’re expressing more interest in the Pacific Northwest, specifically Seattle. I can understand as the area is gorgeous: huge trees, stunning snowcapped mountains, pacific coast beaches, and thriving cities. It’s exciting for me to watch your interests develop. You still mention a career in medicine – that actually hasn’t changed – for years. When you were younger, you wanted to be a vet. Then you expressed interest in neuroscience; shortly after Dad passed away, you talked even more about following his legacy with a career in medicine. First and foremost, you need to be interested in medicine. I believe you find the field interesting and you do not shy away from blood. We’ve had exposure to many medical issues. I wonder if someday we’ll ever really know what causes cancer. We know there are genetic mutations in some person’s DNA and that one rogue cell (free radical) that isn’t taken out by our immune system’s natural killer cells can lead to tumor growth but why one person and not another? Clearly, these are questions I still consider since Dad’s death, not as much or as often as I did, but I seek answers. I pray for the day God reveals His plan for each of us and hopefully answers the question: why your Dad passed away so young? I miss him, Grace, and I miss our nuclear family of four – it all seems incomplete now. I trust though in time you, Harry and me will find our path, individually and collectively.
Ally Brown with Young Life seems to be a good mentor for you. She has taken great interest in you and prays for your success and for more opportunities to learn about God. As you know, I feel closer to God more now than ever before. I’ve chosen to dive into the Word as I search for clarity and direction. I believe God’s time and my time aren’t necessarily parallel zones, but I’ve vowed to be patient. Grace, I hope someday you understand this path as the road I’ve chosen to rebuild my life. Dad’s death literally knocked me off my feet and now I just want to be the best Mom I can be while you’re in high school. That doesn’t mean the cool Mom, or the hip Mom, but the Mom who wants more than anything for you to launch into a beautiful, happy, and independent life. Therefore, I must, on occasion, make tough decisions you may not like, or completely understand, but it will always be for what I believe is best for you.
Again, I’m proud of how you gave this move a real try! I pray you make lifelong friends in Chicago and it grows to feel like home.
Love always, Mom
