June 22, 2016
Dear Grace,
Happy 14th Birthday!
You’re seated in row 33c on Delta flight 51 from London-Heathrow to Salt Lake City as I begin writing your annual birthday letter. We’re returning home after eight days in England. We seemed to enjoy the trip despite it not being a wild and crazy adventure, but rather a vacation filled with culture, history, and what I hope will become fond memories of a family vacation. You lost some steam the last few days of the trip. Initially, I loved listening to you say that you liked London and you even asked about colleges in England. Hence, the primary reason we stopped in Oxford on our way back to London from the Costwolds (Moreton-in-Marsh). Since we weren’t quite sure where the University of Oxford began, I’m not exactly sure how much of campus we saw, but I hope you remember it as you consider various options for your future. Since all aspects of our trip are fresh on my mind, I’ll share a few of my favorite memories: the satisfaction of knowing you saw “Big Ben” (Elizabeth Tower) and riding the London Eye. I particularly enjoyed some of your questions about tombs and Kings/Queens as we toured Westminster Abbey. But first and foremost was listening to you and Harry swapping Camp Tecumseh stories while singing camp songs as we trudged along the muddy public path (through allotments – our version of easements) near the town of Batsford. You found the area gorgeous even though it may not have been an ideal location for your allergies. Yes, my dear, I believe you prefer a more peaceful and tranquil setting, one where you can access nature easily, to that of hustle and bustle in major metropolitan cities. Knowing this about you is just one of the many reasons I have reservations about moving to Chicago (but more about that later). I truly hope that when you’re an adult, you’ll be living in a place that’s exactly what you desire and that you’re in a satisfying career.
Another fond memory from the trip was seeing you and Harry actually enjoy Beautiful – The Carole King Story. You both said it was amusing and well done. Watching you spend time with your brother was nice for me. Harry in particular, and you to a lesser extent, are at the age of emancipation when adolescents and young adults begin to move away from their family and become the adult they choose to become. Of course for me, this is a very difficult stage as I would love nothing more than spending time with you, but I realize this is the normal and healthy maturation process.
In the years to come, it will be interesting to listen to what you remember about the England trip. Oh, I was glad you confessed that one of the reasons you had a harder time while in France was because you didn’t understand very much. It seemed with this trip, you engaged more because you could follow the country’s history better. I certainly don’t want to fail mentioning some of the political events that occurred while in England. On 6/24/16 when we’re back in Utah and you’re either running with the cross-country team or attending soccer practice, England will be voting on “Brexit” – whether to stay in the European union or not. Today’s paper indicated polls showing a stronger “stay” vote – some believe as a result of the murder of MP Jo Cox – in fact, thanks to you asking our tour guide why the flags at Buckingham Palace were being flown at half-mast, we learned about the murder. She was killed by a far-right extremist who felt her liberal views would lead to more immigration into England and could influence the Brexit vote. Because of her tragic death, England may be more likely to stay in the E.U. We learned that at the residences of the Royals, we know they’re home if the royal flag flies and they’re not at home if the British flag flies at their residence.
Per my usual format, I like to mention what you did for you birthday as well as school and sports. I was relieved when you finally agreed to a modest birthday celebration this year. Last year, as I recall, you weren’t up for celebrating but this year we went to Ruth’s Chris with Harry and Bella, but you didn’t elect to have any friends spend the night. I truly hope that changes in the years to come and that you’re again excited to celebrate your birthday.
As for school, one of Harry’s prior teachers was unfair and even unkind to you. You handled the situation well and didn’t let her get the best of you! I know you had some academic difficulties this year, especially second and third quarters, but you turned it around 4th quarter. Completely of your own volition, you earned a 91% in Honors Math 8th thus securing your spot for Honors Math 9th grade. While you grumbled and complained about not wanting to be in Honors Math next year, you genuinely seemed pleased about your accomplishment. Spanish was also challenging this year – I believe repeating it again will help – let it all sink in, sweetheart, please understand that we’ve suffered a traumatic loss and time is needed for our brains to think clearly again. I believe in you and know that when you’re ready to apply yourself, the sky is the limit – I’ve seen this behavior many times before. And I’m seeing it on the soccer field again! You faced a tough decision whether to stay with the competitive league or go on to high school soccer. With a mature attitude and rational decision-making skills, you elected to stay with the competitive league. I understand Roger can be a tough coach, but he has dedicated himself fully to your team and you’re reaping the rewards. I’m eager to see your progression over this next year.
While I can no longer write about Dad’s illness, I’m compelled to mention how difficult life has been since his passing. I know you miss him as we all do…my wishing that circumstances were different or my compulsion in attempting to protect you from life’s sorrows will not bring him back. I believe this last year without him has been even more difficult than year one. The aftermath of his death has left me horribly lost and sad. I really believe life will get better; I’m just trying to understand my role in letting that happen. As you know, I’m finding peace in my spiritual pursuits and I believe God is with me even though my prayers haven’t been answered. The prayer concern which weighs most heavily on my heart is what’s best for you and what’s best for me over your high school years. My heart tells me four more years in Park City is not the right answer for you. I truly understand Park City is home and your roots are there, but I’m feeling an overwhelming need to be closer to family for support and guidance. I also believe in my heart of hearts that if you open your mind and heart to the change, you’ll be greeted by many new friends and opportunities you wouldn’t have in Park City. I pray God will lead me to the right decision by making our circumstances more clear, but the first place I intend to start is by listing the house for sale this fall. Another aspect I’d like you to comprehend is that eventually, in the next year or two, I believe a career will be quite helpful for me. I hope it’s in some area of teaching, but keeping my mind active and strong will help me move through the grieving process. I miss Dad every single day, but I’m getting to a point of gratitude for the life we did have with him, albeit short, and for his deep love for you, Harry, and me, and for the life he built for us.
I also know he would want us to be happy and to continue pursuing our dreams. I’m beginning to realize that I need to focus more on the positives and his incredible impact on my life rather than the emptiness his death has left behind…it’s not easy, but I’m trying.
As I wrap up this year’s letter, please know I love you and I would never make a decision that I didn’t believe could be best for you!
All my love, Mom
